The joys of home

 I am home body. I LOVE to be at home. Our home is neither big, nor extravagant (in fact, it's an apartment) but it is cozy and warm and relaxing and we love it. My step-daughter has a beautiful room of her own that is filled from floor to ceiling with all the things she loves, and photos of all the people she loves (including her BM). My home is my sanctuary. It is where I long to be most of the time. 

So, our home is about 30-45 minutes away from where my husband's ex lives. The main reason for this is because we choose to live close to where we both work. The secondary reason is that BM lives in a, and there is no other way to put this, crummy town. It's just not a good place to live if you can help it, and it keeps going further downhill every year. We wish that she would move toward us. We have begged for her to move toward us so Bailey can be in a better school. But, in many ways this physical distance is the best thing that could have ever happened to us, as I never have to worry about running into BM at the grocery store or anywhere else. This calms me. I have learned that the less I actually see her, the happier I am. When she is just a voice over a telephone or the person on the other end of a text message it is so much easier for me to disconnect and not, well, hate her guts. And this is SO good for everyone! Happy Stepmommy = happy family!

BUT. And this is a big but; it pains my husband that we don't live closer. In many ways it hurts me too, and our family. My husband fought in court to get an extra evening every week with his daughter, which means we pick her up two nights a week every week (M,W), and three nights on the weeks we have her for the weekend (M, W, F-Su). I think it's wonderful that he gets that extra time with her. It's a beautiful thing! But what it means for us is that we don't have a lot of time at home in the evenings. We only have her from 6-8pm on the school nights during the week, which is not long enough for us to drive her all the way to our house, have dinner, and get her back to her BM's by 8pm. So, we are stuck "out" at least 2 nights a week.

It is expensive, it is exhausting, and it is discouraging.

Trying to find an inexpensive and healthy place for dinner in the small and run-down town where she lives is nearly impossible. And dinner with a 6 year old doesn't last two hours. So afterward we have to find somewhere else to go for an hour that isn't too far from where we just ate. I scour the internet almost daily to try to find new ideas for things to do in this town, but there is just NOTHING. Over the past two years, we have been to every restaurant, every park, every library, every book-store, every pet-shop, every mall, every chuck-e-cheese, and every pool in the entire town. Dozens of times.

I long to be able to pick her up from school, bring her home, and have dinner together at our table. And afterward maybe play a board game or read books to each other. Maybe one day!